I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
