It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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