everyone is single if you try hard enough
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
