My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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