The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
