I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
