Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
