Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
There's a naked man in my car right now.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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