The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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