Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
