How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I am available for nakedness
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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