youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
