Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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