she looked like the before picture.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
