No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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