Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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