whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
