I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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