I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.