just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass