I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
