Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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