Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He better not be in your backpack
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
