There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
