people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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