I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
