just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
