i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
