My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
