All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
pop tarts are not kleenex
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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