If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
