I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
