It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
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he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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