don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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