Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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