you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
