id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
