If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
