Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
