Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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