There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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