He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Just high enough for therapy.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
