If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Someone came in the potted fern
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
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