Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
