I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Dick very happy bro
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
