I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize