I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i just had sex bonerless
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
