yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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