i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
