he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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