im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize