How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
