Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I supernannyed him into submission
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
