my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Randomize
