If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I am spending my child support on dildos
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
