just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
