i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
ttyl tear gas
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
