The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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