I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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