If i come over, it means nothing
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
