I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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