she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
