I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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