Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
