U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
