my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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