Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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