Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
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