Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize