Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
