i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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