I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Randomize
