i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
