arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
