Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
this is an emotional support booty call
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
