it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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