kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
