I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
