69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
